Things You Should Never Say to Someone with a Chronic Health Condition

[ActiveMSers]

Healthline interviewed me about this topic and talked with other folks, too, to come up with their list. Which ones grate on you most? Are some of your favorites missing? In all honesty, I'm guilty of a few--including the one they quoted me on! - Dave


12 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with a Chronic Health Condition

Written by Charles Purdy | Published on February 28, 2014

Some things really are better left unsaid, especially if you’re talking to one of the 133 million Americans who live with a chronic illness.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly half of all American adults live with at least one chronic illness, such as MS, HIV/AIDS, COPD, lupus, Crohn’s disease, and fibromyalgia—to name just a few.

And as anyone with a long-term health issue knows, well-meaning friends, colleagues, relatives, and even strangers will sometimes “put their foot in it”—their intentions are usually good, but without meaning to, they be insulting or cause hurt feelings.

Here are the types of statements you might want to think twice about:

http://www.healthline.com/health-new...-to-say-022814

[ddoublej]

my number one pet peeve...

I can't believe this one didn't make it: when someone asks me about my symptoms, I tell them my main symptoms being my cognitive/mental processing and they reply that it is normal as we grow older. Everybody suffers from memory and cognitive problems so I am not alone. Or, they reply, "Me, too!"

Ugh! Lol

[ActiveMSers]

Hahahahaha, DDoubleJ! I also like "God has a plan" sort of comments. A plan to give me and 2.5 million others MS? I don't think so. I always bite my tongue.

[Daremoon]

Building on "But you look so good"

I've started to notice with some people I get around, they no longer verbally say "but you look so good." Unfortunately, it's all over their nonverbal communication.

[Mazama]

The latest I heard was that I confuse people by one day having lots of energy and the next day none. Hmmm. And "sounds like you've made your peace with god since you are moving forward." Eh?

[Sparky10]

The article wants people to think before speaking. While the whole world would be a better place if that happened in any situation, most people just won't. I guess that's why I'm not offended or irritated by anything people say to me.

I certainly wouldn't take offense to being told I look good. Think of the alternative!

[kristen.gallegos]

One of my (least) favorites is, "oh that happens to me all the time." or "i'm always tired too."

my internal response is, "maybe. but no."

[ActiveMSers]

All of your responses are great. I agree it's a bit tiring to hear from folks without MS who think they know what it's like. I'm actually cool with, "that sucks, dude" and exchange a simple head nod.

[Beckydalton]

My worst three are when you comment about being fatigued the other person will say yeh I'm tired too didn't sleep well last night. And also the one about the cognitive issues and people saying well it comes with old age. Another one is you look so good, nobody commented on that until I had MS so does that mean I didn't look good prior to my MS?

[ActiveMSers]

When Care2.com asked me what advice I would give to well-meaning folks as to what not to say to someone with a chronic illness, I didn't want to repeat what I said a couple years ago. So I came up with a cage rattler. Why does it rattle cages? Because I hear it from fellow MSers, too. Oh, if only a cure were so simple! Agree with me? Hate me? Anyone have one that is missing?

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/wha...c-illness.html

[Suebee]

Yes to everything! Another one is if I'm having a bad day or week but not a flare, friends will notice I'm slower or weaker and urge me to go to my neurologist right away or that maybe I just need more steroids. It's just hard for even those who know me to comprehend the waxing and waning of my symptoms or that one can't take high dose steroids continuously without consequence. That I just to slog on.

[Fit Paul]

Right after being diagnosed with M.S. one of my mother in law's friends told me of a celebrity whos M.S. was "cured" by her faith. I apparently don't have as much faith as the celebrity because I still have this crappy disease.

[Froggie]

Hitting Close to Home

The general commentary is so spot on that I just have to share one of my experiences. When I was first diagnosed, my husband and I were homeless. We were in Asheville, NC at the time and went to the Folk Arts Center for a diversion. We met a calligrapher who was Baha’i and a very nice guy, although a bit misguided. When my husband told him of our plight, his reaction was "God must really love you to put you through so much!" I felt like saying, really? God spreadin’ the love through a chronic illness and homelessness at the same time seemed a bit much. Could God spread the love, say, with a beautiful home in the South of France? Now that’s love, baby!

[Suebee]

I hear ya Froggie... I say a lot to God if he wanted me to slow down a bit and smell the roses, really appreciate what is important, I got it now God. Let's move on to the good stuff.