Study: Men officially cads, 6X more likely to divorce wife with MS than vice versa

[ActiveMSers]

Researchers have found that "when a woman gets news of a life-threatening illness, her husband is six times more likely to leave her than if the tables were turned and the man got the bad news."

The study included diagnoses of both cancer and multiple sclerosis and found an overall divorce rate of nearly 12 percent, which is similar to that found in the normal population.

"But when the researchers looked at gender differences, they found the rate was nearly 21 percent when women were the patients compared with about 3 percent when men got the life-threatening diagnosis."

When I told my wife Laura about this news, she replied, "Well, I thought I was special--I guess I'm just in the run-of-the-mill 97th percentile."

We had a laugh, but divorce can be serious business (and unfortunately common) when it comes to families coping with MS. Read the full story here and feel free to chime in with your personal experiences:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33832513/ns/health-cancer/

[KristaH]

On another forum I'm on for "Mom's with MS" about 25% of the women have had their husbands either leave them or try to tell them to stop "acting" like they have a problem. Its very sad. I am lucky my boyfriend takes all the stuff MS comes with in a stride, he knew before we got together about my diagnosis though. i'm sure his reaction would be the same if we hadn't known until after having gotten together. It makes it easier to have a partner you can lean on (literally and figuratively) as needed. But understandably its a hard thing to accept for all involved.

[Nova_Steve]

That seems really sad that the majority of men cannot bring themselves to deal with this. I cannot speak for everyone but something I have learned in the decade or so with my dear wife is that we (men) just think differently from the majority of members of the fairer sex. We tend to look at issues in ways that make logical sense to us, being able to feel for others emotionally is not a skill the majority of men can deal with.

Watching someone you care about go through the pain and the emotional as well as the physical side effects of this infliction and the management therapy sucks and I am trying to learn from the experiences of others.

This is a bad hand that can be dealt to anyone. One thing to think about from that study though is to take a closer look to the people whom you consider as a long term mate. That is one of those things that we as a culture rarely seem to ask during the courting process. We as a society take commitment through adversity slightly less than seriously, I know I did. We had a non religious service but still had in sickness and in health in our vows.

[fastbenz]

My wife decided to move on the day before Thanksgiving. In sickness and in health, yeah right.. People are just selfish these days in all aspects of things. We are going to be roomates to pay down some bills and luckily she is nice enough to let me pay to still be on her good insurance plan. Married for 5 years and together 8. Once I got DX'd in June I felt all alone. She wanted to have kids and changed her mind. Didn't want to have to take care of a child and me "if" I got worse. Hopefully she can remain nice through this process. Therapy is going well and learning about stuff that I had done as well. But.. the other one has to want to make it work...I wish everyone well through this sort of ordeal. My number one focus is on my health and my job as of this week. Had to vent on the man bashing.. hehe

[Nova_Steve]

I am really sorry to hear about that, I hope that you can find your way through this storm you are going through right now.
Having someone to talk to during this is crucial. When my father was going through the seperation from my mother he played the old school stubborn routine until it put him in the hospital.

[LibraryLady]

top this. When I got sick, I had to go stay with my elderly mother. My husband was about to retire from the Army after 30 years and very busy. I found out he had divorced me by accident when I was taken to renew my military ID. I managed to retain Survivor benefits (he claimed he was unaware of this) but then discovered he had down graded my health insurance without notifying me.

We were married 33 years, have 4 children and he has remarried.

What a jerk

[Chele]

Not all husbands are twits

When I told a woman (she also has MS) about my diagnosis the first thing she asked was "Is your husband going to leave you?" I was shocked. This was a month after my diagnosis and it had never occurred to me that my husband would consider leaving me. Things were a bit rough the first year with MS-I was really depressed and family life was not running so smoothly. Now, it has been almost two years since the dx and I have learned to cope better emotionally and this has really helped my husband deal with the MS. It is horrible that men and women are too selfish to stay with a partner that is dealing with a chronic illness. I know I am blessed to have a husband and family that love and care for me.