Trusting Tomorrow?

[Marinadca]

Hi All

I thought I would ask this group, since you are such a positive group of people and I don't really need any more negativity (I can provide it myself in spades). I am wondering if anyone has come across a reading, quote, whatever, or really just had a way to frame this idea to yourself that works well.

This year has been crappy for playing outside (cold and raining and then hotter then hades). My husband says, thats OK, next year will be better. Or its a terrible month and I don't get outside, and he seems confident that next month will be better. That is an awesome attitude and I am sure would make me a lot less miserable.

But.... I have this fear that next month or especially next year I won't be able to do what I can now. I am assuming this is a common fear with MS and other chronic illnesses. But its not a very helpful fear.

Does anyone else have that anxiety and found a helpful way to deal with it?

[Veronica]

Marina, I am glad you wrote this.

I can struggle with this too. In the early years after my dx in 2004, I found I was often very hesitant of doing things spontaneously as I was constantly saying “What if…” to myself. Or getting myself into an activity that then I was constantly worrying about how I was going to handle parts of whatever I was doing. I found that it really spoiled the joy of just going for something and letting go of planning every step along the way. Or when I knew I couldn’t partake in what I wanted to do, and had to sit it out, I was morose and felt so defeated. A few things have helped me with this. It eases it, doesn’t completely take the sadness or fear away, but definitely has helped me keep my sense of power over feeling defeated. One is a memory of over 35 years ago and Pre MS. I was on a week long hike in the White Mountains in New Hampshire and we were hiking up Mount Madison. It was a difficult climb, but very invigorating, and we all went into the hut at the summit for a rest before going back down. Now, all the way up, while loving it, I was obsessing about going down, as I knew I would be looking all the way down the mountain as I walked it, and this just turned my stomach. I honestly sat there with a cup of hot chocolate just running the scenario over and over in my head, trying to figure out how I was going to accomplish this when it dawned on me that I couldn’t plan this, and unless I was going to just stay on the mountain and live full time in the hut ( one of my considerations…seriously…) I would just have to figure it out as I went. Also realized that I was missing out enjoying the moment I was in at that point..sitting on top of this beautiful mountain that I had just CLIMBED. I remembered the hiker’s mantra, of just putting one foot in front of the other being all we need to do. It definitely helped me get up and start the hike down, and of course, it worked out just fine for me.

I remind myself of this scenario often when I fear the future, asking myself if there is anything I can do about it..if there is, I try to do it, if not, I think of Mount Madison. When the future is here, I will figure it out, one step at a time.

I wish we could trust tomorrow, but I know we really can’t. I haven’t completely accepted this, but things have gotten a bit easier for me when I do. When I have days when weather keeps me sidelined or the disease flares up abit and I lose an outside day, or I think about being single and ageing with MS, it is still difficult, but I have more moments of just making sure that I focus on what I am able to enjoy at that moment. May sound contrite but it has helped me have a richer life actually of focusing on those things that I would have missed if I was doing what I had craved doing.

Stay strong… we are more than our disease, as they say…we just have to remember that.

[Suebee]

I struggle with this too, but you all probably guessed that already. I am naturally happy go lucky, but MS can get in the way. I just ask myself if I really have faith. For me it is in a higher power, outside of me. It is easy for one to believe they have faith, but I think it is much harder to feel it, to rely on it. I meditate and try to sense its power, its protection. Somedays it can seem absent or slight, but other times I can feel its strength. It gives me comfort. I hope this helps.
(Veronica, I love the story of the mountain. I've hiked many in NH and its a great metaphor.)

[Marinadca]

I am not the only one!!!

Thank you guys for sharing. It was so helpful to read that and know what you are thinking to kick the "what ifs...." in the butt.

This is such a positive place I have not wanted to "infect" with negative feelings. But....I also knew that if anyone would be able to tell me how to beat these blahs it would you be all.

Often, I wonder if I am the only one that struggles with this type of negative self talk, and then beat myself up because I think I am being too negative. I am good at beating myself up!

[MissP]

New way of thinking

Hi, Pam from England here. I had to go for five sessions of counselling last month. I have retired due to ill health, the boss was horrid. It brought back lots of 'mental worms'. So, I was recommended a Mindfullness Counsellor who taught me to live for the moment. Every night I watch or listen to Thich Nhat Hanh who says, leave everything at the door, live for the moment. I have had a mental re-boot. I don't think I would have lasted much longer in my outlook without this help an support. Worked for me!

[The MS Wire]

Playing the hand you've been dealt

I've been living with MS since 1980 and worked full-time, including international traveling, until I retired at the end of 2012. The retirement was NOT due to my MS.

I walk slowly these days, and only short distances using a Bioness cuff and two canes. Giving in to getting a scooter about a dozen years ago, and using it more and more, allowed me to do interesting and fun things, including doing a bunch of international travel with my wife, that kept my attitude good.

I have two mantras: "I'm slow but I'll get where I'm going" and "Even a pair of deuces can be a winning hand if you play them well."

Sure, I have occasional down days but by accepting what I can't do and being sure to keep busy doing all that I can, those days are very few.

Ed