Tri-ing to keep training

[sulgrifjewls]

Have you ever signed up for something got into it and realized maybe you are in way over your head? I signed up to do an ironman in July. Really what was I thinking? I am afraid to stop and afraid to keep going. I signed up to work with a coach, who is also a PT and seems to know a lot about MS. Yes what a gift I was very lucky to find her.
Ok time to get out some cheese 'cause I am about to wine.
I am tired,I don't want to do this anymore. I don't think I will ever be able to get to the finish line so why am I putting myself through the endless training. After my last flair in December I just have not bounced back.
I have foot drop but I do have a great carbon fiber AFO.
I am always the last one in my training group. But I have good friends who don't leave me behind they circle back to pick me up.
I just hate always being last.
I want to quit training, but I don't want to quit training.
Anyone one ever felt this way?
Thanks
Jill

[AMFADVENTURES]

Have you ever signed up for something got into it and realized maybe you are in way over your head? I signed up to do an ironman in July.

Yes, almost every time. How else would we find out what we are truely capable of if we don't try to push beyond our comfort zone? Don't dwell on the difficulty of achieving the goal, just pay attention to the day to day training regimen, and trust that the rest will take care of itself.

I am tired,I don't want to do this anymore. I don't think I will ever be able to get to the finish line so why am I putting myself through the endless training. After my last flair in December I just have not bounced back.

I suspect anyone who trains for an ultra-endurance event like you are encounters that feeling occasionally. I see it as one of two things, either a) overtraining syndrome or b) getting over the last hump before a breakthrough occurs. Those two things are closely related, it is a fine line between training hard enough to make your self stronger and training so hard you make your self sick or burn out. I'm sure your trainer is sensitive to that distinction. The thing to remember here is that you must rest your body after you stress it for it to get stronger, but I'm sure you already knew that.

I am always the last one in my training group. But I have good friends who don't leave me behind they circle back to pick me up.
I just hate always being last.

Me too, always the last. Sometimes I wish my friends wouldn't come back for me as it can disrupt my concentration and be more than a little deflating. I am very grateful for those friends though.

I want to quit training, but I don't want to quit training.
Anyone one ever felt this way?
Thanks
Jill

Yes, frequently. It takes such an extraordinary effort for someone with MS, who's muscles and coordination just don't work right, to get through one of these events. Most people can't understand that.

I console myself with the knowledge that the physiological effect of the training alone is a huge benefit to a person with MS. And just how lucky I know I am to be doing this stuff at all.

Good luck Jill,

[walkerhe09]

Jill,

I feel like you do a lot during my training. During training time, I get tired, cranky etc. The reward comes when you actually compete in the event especially when you are done. I always remember a couple things I have heard over the years: 'You need to try and smile at times because after all it was your decision to be here and spend countless hours getting to this point.' and 'You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement." - Steve Prefontaine.
You also have to keep in mind - 98% of the population cannot do what you are about to do (I can't that is for sure) and it is only short term once the summer is over you will be done.

[Marinadca]

Oh my god, yes I feel like that right now actually! I have a much less terrifying goal than you (A century in June and a Sprint tri in October) but I am feeling rather sick of training at the moment.

I am last, all the time. And like Larry, I do sometimes wish people would just leave me, and not loop back for me. They are coming from a great place, but it makes me feel...almost pressured.

I am dealing with a lot of doubt now with biking and my MS. I am lucky to not be very physically affected, but I am discovering some subtly ways that MS is affecting my ability. I have been getting pretty discouraged lately.

I don't really have a lot of advice, I am currently trying to convince myself that even training for these events is an accomplishment for myself. I am a perfectionist, and that isn't working out well with the MS...so I am really trying to be less harsh on myself.

Good luck to you Jill! I think it is an amazing thing to have an Iron Man in the realm of possibility for you.

[ActiveMSers]

These days I am a professional DFLer. People pay me to go to their events so they are guaranteed not to get last place. That's my job, and boy do I do it well. If need be, I would do that for all of you, gratis.

I always tell folks to "go on without me" with dramatic flair.... and they usually stick around or circle back. They are still training, I'm still trying, and the earth still revolves around the sun. It used to bother me, but I've come to accept it. I do the best I can and that's the most I can ask for.

[khwilliamson]

Jill--

I'll preface this with the fact that I do not have MS and I will not ever pretend to put myself in your place; I don't know what you are going through in that aspect, but I can relate to struggling with motivation at times (I've been racing as a pro triathlete since 2002; and it's definitely not all been easy! Countless ups and downs...). I'd also like to say it's awesome and very respectful that you are tackling this goal! and I would encourage you to think back to when you signed up...remind yourself of your reasons for starting this journey.

I think it's good that you reach out to this community and admit these things. It's not good to deny it but sometimes just say 'I feel like this sucks right now.' We have ALL had those moments (or rather, we all regularly have those moments at times) when the task seems so big and daunting we think, 'why bother'.

The flip side is...quitting, especially before you start, flat out sucks. I am afraid that (assuming physically you "can do" the swim/bike/run, even if they are not fast; you have 17 hrs to complete the task) if you quit now, you may have regrets in hindsight and living with that is much more painful than the feeling you'll have once you finish your Ironman (even though you'll be in some pain post-race! It's 'good pain'). Think about all the time you have already put IN and realize that in the big picture, you are nearing the tail end of your goal. The 'race' is the reward you get for all the training...that one day really is easy when compared to ALL the countless hours you put in over the months preparing.

With regards to your training groups, something I can relate to is the 'being last' thing. Cycling has always been my huge, blatant weakness, and getting dropped for years on rides (having the slowest bike split in races) definitely took a toll on my head and my confidence. A good solution to this is, try some solo training. I still to this day prefer doing long rides alone, (even though my cycling doesn't suck quite like it used to!) b/c I don't have to deal with the mental aspect/stress of 'holding someone back' or feeling like crap because I cannot hang. When you ride solo, you go harder when you feel good; you dial back when you don't. It's just you and your thoughts and that can be very therapeutic. Also, if you can endure those big rides (and runs) solo, then you're all the more prepared for race day, b/c ultimately it's just "you and you" out there; you are doing this for yourself, yes?

I hope this helps a bit. Be good to yourself; you may need a little break, mental and physical refresher; that is OK and healthy. But really try to stick with it b/c when you finish your IM, it will have been very worth it.
Take care & good luck!
~Kelly

[mabear]

I am training for a full marathon that I thought that I could do. But as you I have drop foot and having a very hard time with the heat. My mind says yes and my body says no. I am thinking of dropping to the 1/2. I am always last but I finish and I think you have to remember that running is hard and a great achievement running with MS is like doing the impossible and something yu should be very proud of.I want to remember what a love for running I have and live to run another day. I hope that you have good luck with your training.

[KSPaddler]

Jill-
I am trying to train for a 340 mile kayak race from Kansas City to St Louis and am feeling very similar to what you describe. My race is at the end of July/beginning of August and I am getting really nervous about how I will deal with the heat and training in general. I have been working with a personal trainer twice a week and trying to paddle a couple times a week but feel like I'm not making any progress. In February I had a bad MS Hug episode during a training session (bad enough I ended up going to the hospital and getting evaluated for a heart attack). I am having a really hard time finding that magic place where I push myself hard enough to make progress but not hard enough to exacerbate symptoms. I'm getting frustrated and feel like I'm fluctuating between doing too little or too much. Any one have any suggestions on how to figure out the proper level of effort for successfull training? I am entered in a 50 mile kayak race April 28th and am having second thoughts about participating. I signed up mainly as a training opportunity for the longer race. I'm assuming I will come in last, but I'm more worried about not being able to finish. I'm afraid to do it and afraid not to. (I think I have ranted long enough now.) I really just wanted to say I'm feeling the same way and still trying to figure out what to do about it.
-Chris (KSPaddler)

[TriTracy]

My first MS hug while doing my Half Iron Man last Sunday.

Don't give up and don't surrender. I am training for the Full Ford Iron Man 2013. Did my HIM (Half Iron Man) on Sunday 15, 2012. Eventhough, I had a horrible MS hug flar up on the run portion of the race and it hurt so bad that I prayed that I would not die today! I finished with a giggle after the pain subsided. I even got that annoying blurring vision in my right eye. I am still recovering from the MS hug and it's managable...annoying...but managable. My next HIM is in October and this time it will be hot out because I live in AZ. I refuse to give up the things I love because if I don't do the things "I love - than I haven't lived".

[KSPaddler]

Congratulations on finishing the HIM. I recognize that giggle you mentioned Thanks for the encouraging words.
I had a good training day on the river today and plan on doing the kayak race next Saturday. Time will tell whether that will be a good day or a bad day, but either way I'll be on the water, which I love. I'm so glad I found this website where I hear people discuss thoughts and frustrations that I have but am afraid to express, and where people are so understanding and encouraging. Thanks to everyone who participates.
-Chris

[sulgrifjewls]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and idea's.
I am trying to remember its the journey not the destination!
Kelly I took your advice and went solo on a few rides, even a longer one and also solo on a long run. I had forgotten how it feels to be with your own thoughts on a beautiful day.
OK today it was 39 out and windy I was riding with a partner but yuck. Also I was only watching my HR and cadence and when we got back I was so discouaged to see it took us 4 hours eight minutes.
Two steps forward one step back......
Jill

[TriTracy]

Paddle

Awesome work!

[AMFADVENTURES]

Jill,

Down to the last two weeks right, just wondering how things are shaping up?

Larry

[sulgrifjewls]

17 days 8 hours, but who is counting.
Three weeks ago I was having my doubts ~ 3 days of IV steroids and I am feeling much better!
The swim is the swim. I am neither fast or slow and I probably will not drown. Although I have never swam with 2800 of my closest friends ( mass start)
My biking is getting better it looks like I will make the bike cutoff time. My last 6 hour ride is this Sunday.
The run well it really maybe mostly a walk. I am really having a hard time with my AFO. After going back to the brace guy too many times to count I called the company directly. I was told " We don't deal directly with customers" Well their spokes person, Beth who seems very nice has a facebook page " Get Back Up" to encourage people with footdrop to get active again. Well I left a message for her explaining my problem and she got right back to me and so did the company. The power of social media. I am being fitted with a new brace on Friday! I have spoken with someone from the company and also the rep for my area. So I will see Friday and Saturday and Sunday when I am running with my new brace. I really wish this all had happened sooner, but it is what it is.
Mostly I am getting very anxious/nervous, or very possibily insane with anxiety.
So thanks for asking Larry!

[AMFADVENTURES]

Jill,

Well, sounds like you're on track and I gotta say, you sure do have a great attitude. Hope the new AFO works out.

I don't know about you but I always find the taper period the most exciting. You've finished the last big push, you're paying particular attention to staying healthy, changing a few details, gear, clothing, whatever, and you're just not quite sure if you did enough training or if you did it right. But you know you're about to find out!!!

Good luck Jill,

Larry